Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
