dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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