I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
