Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
sarcasm needs its own font
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
