Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
