it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
