Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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