I must be too annoying 4 u.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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