I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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