Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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