still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
