is your mom at the bar?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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