i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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