I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
