the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
