Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
