i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
