so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
