The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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