it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was like eating out sand paper
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
