As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
