Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
