I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
