I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
