Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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