I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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