just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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