Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
