she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
