Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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