'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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