Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize