im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
