M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
