You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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