I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
