I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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