Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
