i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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