I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"