she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?