I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.