the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.