I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
