This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize