So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
