but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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