i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
