the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
