is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
