Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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