The maid of honor just puked.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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