It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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