If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
