Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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