My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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