Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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