Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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