btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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