no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
