I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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