she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize