Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
