I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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