Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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